just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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