we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I didn't notice because vodka
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
