he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
