umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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