just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
PANTIES FOUND
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