The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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