just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
