He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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