Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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