My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
