Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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