are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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