are you so shy because you have an std?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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