We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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