i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i will never coherently bang her
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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