They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
