so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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