He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
