have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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