She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
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at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
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Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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