I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
