She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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