Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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