Pants 0. Shit 1.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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