I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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