you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
