Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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