shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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