I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
