She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
