I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
