I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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