so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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