I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
