i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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