You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
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I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
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Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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