ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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