I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My pussy is not your playground.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize