Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.