Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
