my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.