Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life