He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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