final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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