I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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