bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
