I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
