just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Text me some of your sweat
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
