wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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