I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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