Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
