dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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