Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
