If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
