Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
