i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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