Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
