Don't make out with my wife yet
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
