I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
