I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
