the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
