apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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