I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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