I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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