just survived the first fart of the relationship.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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