I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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