It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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