i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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