hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
