How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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