Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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