This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
