im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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