They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
